Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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