so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
