I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
