Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
