the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
