So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize