I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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