I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
