Im at strip club and am horny
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
