if you like me you must not know who I am
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
