I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
