Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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