I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
third nipple confirmed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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