Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
