this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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