WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
