I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
