Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Boobs are out for the taking
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
