I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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