Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
