We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
People with herpes should wear stickers.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
