I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didn't notice because vodka
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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