we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
