do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
