the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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