Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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