you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
