I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
