That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
