wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
