Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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