the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
