Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
