you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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