he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
