oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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