I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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