I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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