And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
