Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
