I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
