Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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