you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
