There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
why is half of my head shaved?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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