I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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