Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im part way to drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
