I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
