Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
