Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
