Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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