I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
