it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
