Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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