Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
