they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
