It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
