So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
