Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
